Moments of conflict are followed by ones of love.
Periods of faltering empty into unprecedented stability.
Nervous doubts transform into blissful moments of just-being.
You are in the flow
and then you’re not.
Things alternate between the 1 and the 2; endlessly, it moves like a pendulum that never stops at either side. The art of Being might just be to discontinue resisting the movement of the pendulum, to go in and out and up and down with it as it swings.
You are an image of the breath of the universe, in and out as the waves come and go. Your breath imitates the swaying of it all– if you sit still and just breathe, your body might remember and you might actually perceive the natural swaying movement of your physical body. Only if you let go of the resistance, the command to “sit still”, you can feel the flow and be it.
So I’m at the point where I am practicing every day. My life feels quite honeycombed with spiritual practice, sometimes saturated even. I acknowledge the significance of little rituals, reminders, of sangat (sanskr.: sangha, referred to in bhuddism as one of The Three Jewels), of routine, of keeping it up sometimes – and then I purged.
I purged all of the beliefs I heard about. I purged the acceptance of religion. I purged the ability to contain my criticism – about prayer, about worship, about language, about beliefs, sacred texts, saints, sangat, practice,
I question it all and I am back to a starting point.
One I haven’t been to before.
it is time to be in sangat – it is time to be alone
it is time to keep up my practice – it is time to transform my practice
it is time to study on – it is time to unlearn
it is time to follow through with plans – it is time to stay flexible
it is time to evolve – it is time to go back to myself.
It’s all the same.
It’s time to live the dualities in order to internalize they are the two sides of the same coin.
Take care of yourself – and let yourself go.
…now go create your own Sadhana and never stop.
During a Gong meditation I attended lately, following revelation came to me:
I envisioned a tree. I witnessed the growth of that tree, from the first shoots till the farthest branches. As I watched the tree branching out, the leaves coming into shape, I realized, that the form the tree would take on had been determined all along.
I realized that I was that tree.
I understood that there is a mould for who I am meant to be, that my final form is already definite and I am in the process of simply being cast into shape.
Everything that happens is like a story being read out loud. The reader might not know what’s going to happen a few pages ahead from here, nevertheless it has already been written. So as you are reading, you are discovering what’s been meant to be read all along.
This analogies of determinism are not the outcome of a cognitive process, but of meditation. To my rational mind, they might not even make sense. They might not be coherent with some other theories that resonate with me…
But they do fulfill my being with a profound calm and trust that everything’s gonna be alright.
What has what you do to do with who you are?
In a society where time is money and actions speak louder than words, everything.
How come we value doing more than being? Even more, the being is determined by the doing. If you don’t do anything, you are noone.
When did everyone forget that I am needs no addition in order to be valid and meaningful?
Being doesn’t ask for anything else. You are. Who? What? Where? All of these are side notes. Imagine your Self being stripped away from every activity you engage in. Every social interaction. Your job, your hobbies, your education. Even your five senses. What would be left?
You don’t need to do anything in order to be what you are– pure existence.
So don’t worry. You already are what you’re supposed to be.
Doing less creates more time for being more consciously.
Only a while ago, I wrote my post about the importance of daily practice. While I do not necessarily disagree with the analogy I then illustrated, my perception and practice has since changed a bit.
There have been bigger changes going on in my life that made it hard for me to stay in balance and keep up with my routines the way I did during the months prior to these changes. I am now in the process of re-evaluating some of these routines, introducing new ones, implementing some more yogic rituals into my daily life, whether it be ishnaan (a cold shower in the morning) or some changes in nutrition aswell as rebuilding my cognitive focus on topics that are close to my heart.
While I am discovering many new things that enrich my life, I am realizing that sticking to a routine that does not always fit my needs and priorities due to changes in my emotional body and the things I am concerned with, would be like putting up a wall against the changes and not allowing them to flow over me.
I am learning to accept what it means to not be able to follow through with what you thought you knew was right for you. If the circumstances are changing, that means that I am changing, that means that my needs will change aswell and that, as a result, my actions will change in the way that fits the transition.
I had been thinking a lot about wabi sabi lately – an ancient philosophical Japanese concept of perceiving beauty in the incomplete and transient, in short.
There is one particular sentence I heard from a Japanese tea master in a documentary that won’t leave my mind:
“Beyond perfection lies destruction.”
And I am thinking, how touching is this?
How true is this? For only destruction paves the way for recreation. My crisis is my personal rebirth. With my old skins burnt away, I am free to grow further, to rebuild myself, to welcome new patterns and routines and rituals, to allow a new me to happen and evolve out of the chaos.
And the best thing is, I don’t have to force anything. I can just allow myself to flow with the rebuilding process and witness it.
Another quote comes to mind alongside with this thought:
“Don’t force anything. See God opening millions of flowers every day
without forcing the buds.” – Osho
To be clear, I am not quitting my Kundalini Yoga practice by all means. I am just allowing more fluidity, more space for transition and more of my Self to influence my practice.
My priority is now to be true to what I feel like doing, not what I think I should be doing.
Placing the intuitive over the cognitive.
Yes, even if that means I might be not practicing a day or two a week.
The Guru is in you.
Sometimes I feel the most comforting thing you can tell someone is the simple truth that, whatever it is that they’re going through…
It will pass.
There’s always a way, even if you can’t imagine in the slightest where life could possibly go from here. There’s no reason to give up on yourself, because the universe never will.
You are taken care of.
How will I protect my heart form crumbling during shaky times?
Can I keep a calm heart when it is being pushed around in confusion and ambivalence?
Know some things in you are stronger than you think.
Feel your core is stable even when your limbs are not.
Know that your heart is not a bone that can just break.
Know it is a radiant force within that no one can diminish.
Love even when you are not loved back the same way.
Love with a heart that’s wide, not sacrificing.
Open your heart to emotions without acting them out.
Meditate on your warm light that shines forever.