White Tantra – Would you do it again?

Two weeks ago, I attended my first White Tantric Yoga workshop.
Five to six meditations of 31 to 62 minutes lay ahead of me. I was worried.
Worried about sitting in easy pose–which, for me, isn’t all that easy after an hour due to my relatively stiff hips and sensitive knees–, about my sympathy to who my partner would be (White Tantra is being practiced with one partner that you do the exercises with together for the whole day), about the high cost of the workshop… To be blunt, I only went because it is an obligatory part of Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training.

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image via http://media.yogajournal.com/

So while I was sitting there, looking my partner into her deep brown eyes, I tried to stay positive for her. Practicing these Venus Kriyas (exercises with a partner) definitely works with the human will to show off! She too was positive for me. I wonder if she fought a similar battle in her mind.

I struggled. More than a few times during the meditations, I felt like I was stupid for doing this. I felt like I was punishing myself for something, and that the only thing that would come out of it would be week-long knee pains. I was repeating the thought in my head: I didn’t want to come here, and now I know why!
Nonetheless, I didn’t lose my partner’s gaze. I kept looking deeply into her kind eyes, chanting a mantra to her, or holding her hands firmly, whatever the Kriya asked of me.
I didn’t want to give up. I could feel that my giving up would affect my partner and probably the people around me, sitting one next to another in those neatly organized lines so that the energy could distribute accordingly.
I could feel that I wasn’t keeping up only for myself, because, frankly, I quite hated it at  times–I kept up in the name of the community, in the name of connection. Or maybe I just wanted to be a part of this, maybe I was still curious for the experience despite all of my pain and doubt.

White Tantra is known to speed up the processes you need to work through in this life, therefor intensifying your experience on an emotional, psychological and spiritual level.
Now that I was there, I wondered how all of those yogis I had talked to about White Tantra prior to my workshop could sincerely be a fan of this, and it took me some days to understand:
Immediately after the workshop, I just felt tired. The good kind of tired, like when you’ve spent a full day skiing in the mountains. My mind felt empty. The much my thoughts had been racing and criticizing during the meditations, the quiet they had gone now.
The next day, I noticed that I did feel proud in a way that I had not given up. That I had finished what I started, no matter how hard it got. That I had still been smiling at my partner, had shared with her all the energy I could.
After two months of very irregular yoga practice, if any, I felt I was finally ready to commit to a 40-day Kriya again. I noticed how easy the 3-minute Sat Kriya was compared to what I had endured during White Tantra. Many exercises felt so easy to go through if it was just for a couple of minutes, and not 31, let alone 62.
I also felt this towards other activities and tasks during the following week. Often, I found myself thinking: If I managed that whole day of “torture”, I can easily manage this and that!

I now understood: White Tantric Yoga puts things in perspective.
It strengthens the trust in what I can and cannot deal with and overcome.
And it pushed me back into the capacity of a daily yoga practice.
I am thankful for that and yes… I would do it again! {myself from 2 weeks ago shakes her head in disbelief}
After all, the knee pains only lasted for a day or two.

We’re stronger than we think we are,
Sat Nam.